In My Ass (2012)

In My Ass 2012 was the second edition of the annual In My Ass event, held on November 16, 2012. The show was highlighted by such matches as DEFAULT defending the World Heavyweight Championship against a mystery challenger, WWE Champion Carlito putting his title on the line against Winslow J. Wiley, and The Kings of Crime putting the World Tag Team belts up for grabs against WPW.

Background
Many were overjoyed when DEFAULT managed to seize the World Heavyweight Championship in the main event of Diaz's Fuck Fest VIII. However, one masked attendee of Macho Man Memorial Day Madness voiced his displeasure of DEFAULT. The mysterious figure has continued to harass the champion, leaving DEFAULT with no choice but to face his shrouded adversary in a match with the title on the line.

After seeing his nephew DEFAULT capture the World title at The Fest, Winslow J. Wiley traveled to the mountains of Russia to train for his return to the ring. When the doctor of unknown medicine ascended one of the snow-capped peaks and shouted out "CARLITO!" it was safe to say that Winslow wanted a shot at the WWE Championship. Despite what Carlito believed, an apple a day will most definitely not keep Dr. Winslow away as the two will collide for the title at In My Ass.

Ricardo Diaz defended the event named in his honor at said event against Walter P. Wiley. Since, Walter has been on the receiving end of numerous pranks, including prank phone calls from fake video stores and being locked out of his own home when he needs to use the toilet in the worst way, and he blames Diaz and his accomplice Kingpin for all of them. At In My Ass, Walter will once again attempt to take something from Ricardo Diaz: the World Tag Team titles.

DCR and Macho Man have not been seeing eye to eye as of late, and things only got worse at Macho Man Memorial Day Madness when Macho forced DCR to watch him play Mario Party. The two have finally decided to bring this dispute to an end by going one on one for DCR's United States title at In My Ass.

Immediately after being cleared to compete following the hellacious Cell match against J-Pac, Disco Drew returned only to be attacked by Dark Dynamite Derek. It was at this moment that Dark Dynamite took the opportunity to unmask, revealing himself to be none other than...Sheamus O'SHAUNESSY! Disco Drew wasted no time disco dancing and challenged Sheamus to a match at In My Ass. Sheamus told Disco that there would be nothing "in me arse", but he would gladly face him. The two competed in a Hair Off, which Disco Drew was victorious in. Sheamus attempted to comb down Drew's signature afro, but the comb shattered in the hands of the irate Irishman as soon as it came into contact with the fro. With tensions higher than Sheamus' towering 'do, fans are heavily awaiting this explosive match-up.

J-Pac made claims that after the performance he put on at The Fest, he should be a hero to the SvR06 fans. Dynamite Derek disagreed, and informed him that there is only room for one hero and that he is the hero that SvR06 needs. J-Pac responded to his former rival by sicking his associate Batista on him. With Derek outnumbered, he searched far and wide for a sidekick to help him take on J-Pac and Batista. His calls were answered by none other than The Hurricane, and the dynamic duo will face off against J-Pac and Batista in a Falls Count Anywhere Tornado Tag match at In My Ass.

Results
There was certainly a lot of turbulence at the second annual In My Ass. Champions were crowned, old foes emerged from the shadows, and Jim Ross rapped.

During Sunday Night Meat, the event pre-show hosted by Shawn Stasiak, Macho Man was seen telling his protégé Tiger to make sure JBL is out of the picture during his United States title match with DCR tonight. Moments later, JBL arrived to the arena parking lot in his limousine when Tiger emerged behind the wheel of a pick-up truck. The truck smashed into the side of the limo, leaving nothing but a crumpled heap of metal with horns attached to the front. Macho would have settled for a simple distraction, but didn’t argue with Tiger’s efficiency.

The show kicked off with DCR defending the United States Championship against “Macho Man” Randy Savage. With JBL’s distractions no longer a problem, Macho Man snapped into the boyish billionaire like some sort of meat product that may or may not be slim. After wearing DCR down, Macho made quick work of his opponent with his patented elbow drop and seized the United States title.

Dynamite Derek and The Hurricane were set to team up against J-Pac and Batista in a Falls Count Anywhere Tornado Tag match. However, Commissioner Slaughter refused to allow any further association with wind storms to take place and changed the match up to a regular tag team match. Naturally, this worked to the advantage of the team of Pac and Batista rather than the newly formed tandem of Dynamite and Hurricane. J-Pac, still recovering from his Hell in a Cell injuries, allowed Batista to deal out damage to their astounding adversaries. In the end, however, it was J-Pac who hit a Bronco Buster on Derek to score the victory.

In a battle of massive hair, Disco Drew took on Sheamus O’Shaunessy in a hard-hitting contest. Despite Disco constantly one-upping Sheamus in the battle of better hair, it was Sheamus who managed to pull off the victory with a High Cross. He did, however, have a little help from a snoozing referee and a steel chair.

Even though Ricardo Diaz had thwarted his attempt to replace Diaz’s Fuck Fest with WalterMania, Walter P. Wiley had been on the receiving end of numerous pranks. Walter could only assume that Diaz was responsible, trying to rub coke in the wounds. To get back at the drug lord, Walter set out to take him and The Kingpin’s World Tag Team titles. In a hard fought battle, Walter and Tajiri of WPW managed to capture the belts and end the lengthy reign of Ricardo Diaz and Kingpin. As Walter celebrated, thinking his ridicule was behind him, a video suddenly appeared. The video displayed a nude Walter dancing in his mirror while singing “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen. We never thought it was possible for someone’s jaw to actually drop and hit the ground, but Walter P. Wiley proved us wrong at this moment in time.

Carlito has continued to overcome the odds since winning the WWE Championship at Son of Jackass. However, he had yet to take on a determined Winslow J. Wiley. Winslow, recently returning from sabbatical, wanted nothing more than to join his nephew DEFAULT in holding a top title. While he gave Carlito quite a run for his apples, the crafty Caribbean managed to gain the upper hand when he countered a clothesline into an Overdrive for the victory and retention.

After months of harassment, DEFAULT awaited to see who his shrouded challenger would turn out to be. To the surprise of everyone, except for those nerds on the dirt sheets, Razor Ramon revealed himself as DEFAULT’s masked heckler. Apparently, with his remaining strength after his Parking Lot Brawl defeat to DEFAULT last summer, Scott Hall traveled back in time and told a younger version of himself to come back to the future and take care of DEFAULT for him. Now, you might be asking why Razor can come to the future and yet present day Scott Hall can still exist to face DEFAULT and to go back in time to bring his younger self to the future. If you are, then my best advice is not to worry. They go to the old west in the next one…and the Hoverboard comes back! Anyway, back to the match. Razor tossed the hooked-handed honky around the ring, and even hit the Razor’s Edge on his foe at one point. However, DEFAULT managed to fight back and nail a devastating Funny-5 on Razor that scored him the pinfall and continued his reign as World Heavyweight Champion.