Laugh Like Pee-wee (2016)

Laugh Like Pee-wee 2016 was the seventh installment of the annual Laugh Like Pee-wee event, held on January 24, 2016. The show was highlighted by the 30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee match for a shot at the vacant World Heavyweight Championship at Diaz's Fuck Fest XII, Dynamite Derek, Nateflix, Chris Jericho, and Wing competing in a Fatal 4-Way to determine who will advance to the Elimination Chamber, and Brock Lesnar going one-on-one with Kurt Angle.

Background
With the recent announcement that the Laugh Like Pee-wee winner will be one of two competitors to challenge for the vacant World Heavyweight Championship match at Diaz's Fuck Fest XII, the 30-man bout has been put into a whole new perspective. We already discovered that three of the four potential champions from the fallout of Dr. Meinheimer will enter the fray, depending on the result of their four-way battle. But they aren't the only ones who have confirmed their inclusion in the annual fray. When asked about New Year's resolutions, one of the most prevalent responses from the locker room was winning the Laugh Like Pee-wee match. These individuals all followed very different paths this year, but all enter the 30-man field with the same goal. Well, mostly. Time is ever-moving, marching onward and waiting for no one. At Laugh Like Pee-wee, it's all about time. It can either be your best friend or your worst enemy. Take Big Show, for example. Time was in his corner when he lasted 19 minutes and 58 seconds in 2013, the longest of any competitor ever. On the other hand, there's The Kingpin. This King of Crime only spent 19 seconds in the ring in 2012, an unflattering record that all three members of The Shithouses intend to break this year. At the end of the day, the Pee-wee is a numbers game. Alliances can certainly increase your odds, as Goldust and Diamondust are sure to be aware of. But history has shown that partnerships are made to be broke in this 30-person fray. One individual who certainly knows something about numbers is Sheamus. He eliminated seven participants in 2013, the most of any winner. This year, the resident Irishman won the opportunity to draw his number before anyone else. Only time will tell whether or not the numbers are rooting for or against him. Of course a big advantage of entering the Pee-wee is being able to toss as many people over the top rope as possible. Ask Ted DiBiase, who chucked out seven individuals in the very first Pee-wee, a record that has only ever been tied since. However, it's Big Show who holds the record for eliminating the most combatants ever with a record of 14. Then again, you don't have to expel the most individuals to win. This was made apparent by the smallest winner DEFAULT in 2012 when he only had to best the lumbering Snitsky to go home with the victory. A number nearly as small is the elite group of winners, which is six. Meaning that 69 (heh) others have been betrayed by the numbers laid in front of them despite their undeniable fighting spirit. This year, at least two entrants will try their luck for the very first time against the daunting battle of temporal and numerical endurance. Possibly most important of all is the knowledge that 83% of winners have used their victory to propel themselves to becoming World Heavyweight Champion. And for the first time ever, a new champion is guaranteed in the main event of Diaz's Fuck Fest XII. That individual could very well be the winner of the 2016 Laugh Like Pee-wee.

After the controversial conclusion to Dr. Meinheimer's World Heavyweight Championship match, the right to the title was left heavily disputed between four competitors and audience members alike. Which such a wide array of opinions and factors, Commissioner Barkley felt as though he was left with no choice but to ask Dynamite Derek to relinquish possession of the belt and leave the championship vacant. So what implications will this have on Laugh Like Pee-wee, you might ask? Barkley, upon consulting with assistant commissioner for the event Bret Hart, has decided that the title will be left unclaimed until the main event of Diaz's Fuck Fest XII. The 30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee match will determine one of the two competitors who will battle for the vacant championship while the winner of the following month's Elimination Chamber will decide the other half of that monumental main event. As for the quartet of Chris Jericho, Wing, Nateflix, and Dynamite Derek, who ended 2015 arguing about which deserves to be champion, a four-man elimination match will be held prior to the annual over-the-top-rope extravaganza. The winner will earn himself a guaranteed position in the Elimination Chamber while the losing three will receive less of an advantage by entering the 30-man field later that evening. These four titans have the unprecedented opportunity to headline the biggest show of the year, potentially against one another. On the other hand, it could very well turn out that none of them will main event the twelfth edition of the Fest. It's all about the luck of the draw, and it's all about Laugh Like Pee-wee.

A number of weeks ago, Kurt Angle announced that he would like to face Brock Lesnar if he were to return to an SvR06 ring. Unexpectedly, we saw Angle grace the squared circle to kick off It's a Very SvR06 Christmas. The Olympic gold medalist said that Lesnar had been silent on the subject of a potential match and declared himself the better man between the two. The goading proved to be successful, however, as Lesnar returned to interrupt Angle's holiday speech. The beastly Brock simply told his challenger that they would square off at Laugh Like Pee-wee before the two opponents shared an intense stare-down. Angle has apparently awakened Brock's thirst for new competition, as the bout is certain to be a true test of skills for both of these seasoned grapplers. Place your bets, folks! Kurt Angle, Brock Lesnar, Laugh Like Pee-wee.

After experiencing what was easily the worst year of his career in 2014, J-Pac redeemed himself by breaking the Irish curse that loomed over him when he submitted Sheamus at In My Ass. Moments after the Infinity Kid salvaged his career, The Shark made his first appearance by potentially ending it. For all we knew, we'd seen the last of the most decorated champion SvR06 has ever seen. That was until Ben Unhinged announced that he had purchased a front row ticket for his friend at Dr. Meinheimer. The seat, however, sat empty throughout the night. That was until J-Pac stormed the ring to help Ben get even with the amphibious abomination. At the SvR06 Awards ceremony, The Shark attempted to christen his newly-won Breakout Star of the Year award by announcing his interest in the 30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee match and taking a chunk out of presenter Wrestler: Unstoppable. Fortunately, J-Pac made the save by clobbering his nemesis with the trophy. The returning hero has since justified his actions, holding the carnivorous Shark responsible for providing what he referred to as his own private hell by keeping him out of the ring for seven months. He went on to say that when his foe caved in his torso at In My Ass, he suffered from internal bleeding. So to repay him, he wants to make him bleed externally for every last drop he shed. J-Pac claimed that while The Shark may appear to be a monster, he knows he bleeds like a man and he's going to prove it at Laugh Like Pee-wee. J-Pac's new-found killer instinct might be the only thing that could truly defeat The Shark. However, his opponent answered this call by ambushing J-Pac and gnawing a nasty gash into the Infinity Kid's forehead. Win or lose, J-Pac is seeking retribution for the lost time by ensuring that The Shark is too damaged to make it to the 30-man over-the-top-rope match. But this is a First Blood in the Water match, and the injury sustained by the fangs of his opponent could spell an early defeat. One way or another, the rivers will run red at Laugh Like Pee-wee.

At the 2015 edition of Laugh Like Pee-wee, Reverend Drew ensured that Big Show would not be main eventing this past year's Fest. He would, however, face the giant at that event and defeat him to force his fee-fi-foe to join his unholy Church of Drewdaism. In the following months, Big Show would bring the Intercontinental Championship to the institution only for the irreverent reverend to command his massive enforcer to hand the belt over to him. Breaking free of his captivity, the man formerly known as the World's Largest Disciple has had his eyes set on once again clutching the title in his giant hands. At Dr. Meinheimer, Big Show defeated both Acolytes Chance and Bradshaw to earn a championship match immediately after. However, the bout ended abruptly when Reverend Drew grabbed his title and left the arena. The match was later rescheduled for It's a Very SvR06 Christmas, but once again the reverend had a trick up his sleeve. Complaining about a nagging injury, the champion sent Bradshaw out to be a lamb to slaughter for the giant Big Show. After avoiding the number one contender for the past two months, guest assistant commissioner Bret Hart informed the reverend that his reign as champion has been 4-out-of-10 at best and stated that the title should be competed for with honor. With that in mind, the Hitman declared that Reverend Drew will be slated to defend the Intercontinental Championship against Big Show at Laugh Like Pee-wee. However, if he is counted out, disqualified, attempts to find a last minute replacement, or doesn't compete in any way, he will be forced to forfeit the title to the challenger. Outraged, Reverend Drew informed Bret that he was a "poopy pants baby" but guaranteed that he wouldn't have to use a crutch to retain his title once again. In every match prior, Reverend Drew has had the odds stacked in favor of Big Show. But this time, it's a one-on-one battle that can only be decided through a battle of wills. Who will go home Intercontinental Champion in this title match one year in the making?

Dr. Meinheimer was supposed to feature the Wiley brothers challenging for the World Tag Team Titles for the first time in years. Unfortunately for the two siblings, karma had other ideas. A year prior, the collective Wiley Family ensured that Kingpin and the other members of Team Strange Bedfellows didn't compete in the first-ever Meinheimer Cup Tournament. This year, Fisk and his partner-in-crime Ricardo Diaz got even by jumping the Wileys and taking their place in the title match against Goldust and Diamondust. The attack proved profitable, as the Kings of Crime defeated the Dust Busters became the new tag team champions. The time for celebration was cut short, however, as guest assistant commissioner Bret Hart revealed that the new champions would be putting their titles on the line against the duo that was entitled to a championship match to begin with: Walter and Winslow. The champions felt slighted by this decision, taking exception to what they considered to be a deliberate bias in favor of the Wileys. They claimed that they might be the perpetrators of crime, but they're a crime family and the Wiley Family are no better than they are. Diaz and Fisk ominously promised that come Laugh Like Pee-wee, they will prove that. The Kings of Crime seem intent to prove that they are the dominating family of SvR06, and it would seem they have a plan to validate that. But the Wileys want nothing more than to once again be the World Tag Team Champions, and as history has shown, the Wileys typically find a way to get what they want.

Results
Every year, Laugh Like Pee-wee proves to be the most unpredictable event of the year. Packed with excitement and intrigue, one can almost never guess what the end result will be. This year, however differed from the rest. For one, the winner of the illustrious over-the-top-rope match will go on to challenge for the vacant championship as opposed to facing the reigning champion. Secondly, absolutely no one could have guessed that the victor was someone who wasn’t even confirmed to be in the match yet. It’s that man who can now say that he comprises one half of the Diaz’s Fuck Fest XII main event for the World Heavyweight Championship.

To kick this show off in a big way, Reverend Drew finally put the Intercontinental Championship on the line against his former disinclined disciple, Big Show. The irreverent reverend has spent the past few months cutting every corner he could to keep his title out of the hands of his opponent. This time, however, guest assistant commissioner Bret Hart ruled that a disqualification, count out, substitution, or refusal to compete of any kind would result in Reverend Drew losing the championship. This proved difficult for the devious leader of the Church of Drewdaism, who continuously felt the temptation to take the easy way out. When he did decide to play by the rules, the contest was dominated by the former title-holder Big Show. Fatefully, the referee found himself sandwiched in between the action and was temporarily incapacitated. At this point, Reverend Drew succumbed to his nature and clobbered the Big Show with the Intercontinental Title belt. Rolling up his massive foe, Reverend Drew remained the champion and put the final nail in this year-long battle.

Up next, the Kings of Crime defended the World Tag Team Championship against the team who they ambushed to become champions, the Wiley Family. Leading up to the event, Ricardo Diaz and The Kingpin had vowed to embarrass the Wileys if they followed through with this challenge. Obviously Walter and Winslow put little stock in these claims and set their sights on becoming champions once again. The champions found it difficult to keep up with the constant rapidness of the two brothers, which inevitably led to Diaz stooping to one of his all-time lows. The King of Coke plead with Winslow to cease his barrage of offense and told him that if he didn’t that he would tell the whole world about DEFAULT’s real father. Winslow stopped in his tracks, as Walter looked on in bewilderment because he couldn’t quite understand Ricardo’s Columbian accent. At that point, Diaz hit Winslow below the belt and covered his stunned opponent to keep the tag team titles in the cache of the Kings of Crime. Diaz and Kingpin did what they set out to do by embarrassing the Wileys, but is there any truth to this outlandish suggestion that Walter may not be the real father of DEFAULT?

Following this shocking turn of events was the first match back for the returning J-Pac, and it was one that can only be described as an uphill battle. A First Blood in the Water match against the individual who put him through physical and emotional anguish throughout the past year, The Shark. The former four-time champion J-Pac was put at an early disadvantage going into the match due to the stitches put in his forehead by his dangerous enemy. But no amount of disadvantage has ever stopped The Infinity Kid from fighting in the past. In fact, The Shark looked to be out on his feet at numerous points in the contest due to the well-placed kicks by J-Pac’s educated feet. But things took a downward turn for the returning competitor after sea-dwelling savage swatted him out of the sky mid-moonsault with the ring bell. With a devastating shot to the head with the same bell, The Shark drew blood from the sealed wound of J-Pac. If a man with a grudge can’t keep this beast down and out, then who can?

After the debacle that ended the World Heavyweight Championship match from Dr. Meinheimer, Dynamite Derek, Nateflix, Chris Jericho, and Wing were placed in this Fatal 4-Way elimination-style match. The winner would advance to the following event’s Elimination Chamber where the winner will move on to comprise the second half of the Diaz’s Fuck Fest XII main event. The other three would have their shot at redemption in the 30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee match later in the evening. Each combatant entered with a legitimate claim to be champion, and at least two of them could potentially face each other for the vacant championship. The first to fall was Nateflix, followed by Chris Jericho. In the end, it boiled down to a battle-worn Wing and a resilient Dynamite Derek. The two vigilantes put every bit of energy they could into taking one step closer to once again touching the coveted World Championship. Dynamite hit a DKO and went for the win, but the referee was unable to count the pin. Wing almost capitalized but a second DKO spelled the end for The Watcher. Dynamite Derek will now enter the Elimination Chamber with the opportunity to advance to the championship main event of Diaz’s Fuck Fest XII. The question is, can The Dark Luminary pull out another victory where the numbers are not in his favor?

In one of the most anticipated matches in quite some time, one that Bret Hart predicted to be a solid 5-out-of-10, Brock Lesnar returned to the ring to answer the challenge of Kurt Angle. The two have had hardly any interaction since It’s a Very SvR06 Christmas, remaining completely silent during their contract signing on Road to Laugh Like Pee-wee. But once the bell rang, the two were far from silent. The series of back-and-forth German suplexes shook the arena with the ferocity of a tornado, and the first of many F5s left the Olympic gold medalist struggling to collect himself. It certainly wouldn’t be the last, but Angle refused to stay grounded for long. An Angle Slam and ankle lock combination nearly led the Olympic Hero to victory, but a vital grab of the ropes saved the bout for Lesnar. Following a concussive Shooting Star Press, the former Division I All-American landed a final spiraling F5 to finish off Kurt Angle. With a victory as undeniably earned as this, it’s hard to find arguments for why Brock Lesnar isn’t the greatest amateur athlete to set foot in the SvR06 ring.

Before the Laugh Like Pee-wee kicked off, we heard from some of the many entrants featured in this year’s 30-participant match including Sheamus, Batista, Arrested Developmental’s Scotty 2 Hotty, Ben Unhinged, and The Undertaker. Backstage, The Shark informed Jushin Tiger that he wouldn’t be entering tonight’s match. Instead, he would stay backstage and watch while The Shark took his place. Jushin Tiger had no problem with this.

When it came time to find out who drew #1 in the 2016 Laugh Like Pee-wee match, the lights dimmed and the countdown commenced to reveal a man with his arms outstretched. However, when he swiveled around, it wasn’t Chris Jericho at all. It was the number-one Jericholic, Count Out. Unfortunately for the Count, the second entrant was a man that he helped antagonize throughout the past year. The Deadman, The Undertaker. No amount of blonde hair dye could make Count Out become Y2J, unfortunately, and the Transylvanian quickly found himself of the receiving end of a devastating chokeslam. When the clock hit zero for the first time throughout the match, nobody anticipated that the ring would be graced by the presence of the Philadelphia wrestling legend that had been rumored to be in the area throughout the day. That man was none other than The Trashman. It didn’t take long for him to put his name in the Pee-wee record books by taking out the trash and tossing Count Out down to the floor. After DEFAULT Wiley entered the ring, the Kings of Crime made their way down to ringside to distract the youngest member of the Wiley Family. Undertaker turned to glare at the tag team champions, echoing his sentiment whenever they offered to pay him off to eliminate DEFAULT. However, this disturbance took Taker off his game and he found himself going over the top rope as well. Diaz and Kingpin quickly fled the area, realizing that they may have kicked a hornet’s nest too big for them. As the ring continued to fill, the crowd came alive for the ninth entrant when mixed martial artist Ken Shamrock made his first-ever SvR06 appearance by adding his unique brand of offense to the fray. For the majority of the duration, the match was dominated by Chris Jericho, Nateflix, and Wing. The latter of the three made the biggest impact in the contest, eliminating a record-setting 14 participants and spending 16 minutes and 16 seconds in the ring. On the other hand, neither Josh the Cat nor Chewbacca spent the shortest amount of time in the ring as planned. Instead, Goldust broke the record by one second when he was tossed out by a dangerous combination of Nateflix and Wing. That being said, there was some debate from the Shithouse camp that Jushin Tiger should be named the record holder for lasting zero seconds in this year’s match. Sheamus had received the opportunity to draw his number first after a battle royal victory on Road to Laugh Like Pee-wee, and the luck of the Irish was indeed on his side as he drew #26. He immediately made an impact by assisting Wing and Diamondust in expelling The Shark from the ring. But as big as The Shark may be, he was dwarfed in the shadow on the surprise 27th entry of Andre the Giant as they crossed paths on the aisleway. Following the humongous Hall of Famer was Scott Hall at #28, who looked to have once again gotten his hands on the backstage beer supply. When Ben Unhinged entered 29th, the entire collective audience concluded that the 2014 winner was going to pull it off yet again. What they didn’t anticipate was the 30th entrant. The man who, last time we saw him, was the commissioner of SvR06. Triple H. The Game disposed of Ben immediately after entering the ring. Diamondust wasn’t far behind. With that, the three men left in the ring were three individuals who nobody knew were even in the match when the bell rang. Triple H established an alliance with his inebriated friend Scott Hall and the two hoisted the colossal Andre over the top rope. This left the #30 entrant to take advantage of the state of mind Hall was in. With a conclusive Pedigree, Triple H sent Scott Hall flailing out of the ring to earn himself a shot at the World Heavyweight Championship in the main event of Diaz’s Fuck Fest XII. We now know who will stand in one corner in the main event of the 12th Fest, but the other challenger for the gold will have to be determined by the destructive prison that is the Elimination Chamber. Regardless of which of those six hopefuls prevail, one thing is certain. They will have to be ready to play The Game.

Participants
- Batista: Considered the odds-on favorite to win the whole thing, Batista began the year as Arrested Developmental's dominant Main Event Champion. Unannounced, he burst onto the main roster by dismantling the Wiley brothers to obtain the United States Championship. In the months following, he would become a particular favorite of Upper Management and would captain Team Triple H in their battle against Team Barkley. With Upper Management now dissolved, Batista is a lone wolf unleashed. If the other 29 aren't careful, they could wind up a proverbial field of sheep.

- Sheamus: Another heavy favorite, Sheamus opened 2015 maintaining a lengthy reign as World Champion. The former golden boy of Triple H progressively lost the support of his suit-and-tie superiors throughout the summer, but finished the year stronger than ever when he led Team Barkley to victory with the odds stacked against him. In the process, he issued Batista his first defeat since his arrival on the main roster. The United States Champion would declare this result a fluke, suggesting that he had Sheamus beat while the referee was incapacitated. He assured his Irish adversary that he wouldn't get in his way this time, while the Celtic Crusader reminded his rival that there's a reason he's a former winner of this marathon of a match.

- Mark Jindrak: The Mark-Out Moment Maker spent the year as Intercontinental Champion, constantly one-upping himself in the face of unfathomable opposition. That was until he hit the wall of Big Show and the meddlesome Reverend Drew. While his ability to continue to create moments is what first endeared him to the members of the audience, the obsession with perpetuating them is what led him to display a selfish side of his personality. This was made evident by Jindrak turning his back on Team Barkley for the sake of creating a memorable moment for this year's Dr. Meinheimer. Unfortunately for his ego, a number of other events from the evening were considered far more noteworthy. The obsessive Jindrak now looks to the 30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee match as the source for his next moment, as certainly fewer things would be more memorable than winning the event.

- Ben Unhinged: Nobody is more dangerous in a match where everything is on the line than someone who feels they have nothing to lose. That's the mindset that led Ben Unhinged to victory in the 2014 Laugh Like Pee-wee match. A year ago, Ben was barred from competing in the 2015 edition of the match and didn't even make it onto the event due to the blindsided attack of then-champion "Macho Man" Randy Savage. While his battles with Nateflix and The Shark throughout the year didn't yield successful results, the Absolute Madman could use the momentum of the Laugh Like Pee-wee match to propel himself to the top yet again. However, rumor has it Mark Jindrak holds him personally responsible for inviting J-Pac to Dr. Meinheimer and outshining his moment in that evening's main event. If he's hoping to win the over-the-top-rope contest, he'll have to sacrifice some of his nonstop offense for the sake of a good defense.

- The Dust Busters (Goldust & Diamondust): This fresh-faced duo left quite the gilded impression on the tag team division throughout the year. In a matter of months, the two added even more riches to their collection when they became World Tag Team Champions. Their glimmering reign was cut short, however, when Ricardo Diaz and The Kingpin ambushed their previously announced challengers and captured the titles. Now both of them have the opportunity to bring gold back to the family with the prospect of winning the Laugh Like Pee-wee match. Depending on their fortune and the outcome of the following month's Elimination Chamber, the dazzling duo could very well end up looking across the ring from one another at the twelfth Fest.

- Wrestler: Unstoppable: The Secret Agent Man kicked off the year on a high note after being named the 2014 Breakout Star of the Year. Unfortunately for this girl-chasing gargantuan, a series of injuries at the hands of Reverend Drew and his church kept him out of action for the better part of 2015. Laugh Like Pee-wee 2016 will mark his return, and the suave super-spy has promised to invoke his license to thrill when he steps back in the ring in January.

- DEFAULT Wiley: The winner of the 2012 Laugh Like Pee-wee, DEFAULT kicked the year off teaming with the then-newly united Wiley Family. After the trio captured the United States and World Tag Team Championships from Upper Management at the Fest, a massive target was placed on their back. All the while, Triple H continued to attempt to recruit DEFAULT. Ultimately, the former commissioner failed and the youngest Wiley led a team into battle that would usurp him from his position atop SvR06. Moving forward into the new year, the Wileys are looking to recapture their former glory and there isn't a better way to start than having a family member headline Diaz's Fuck Fest XII.

- "Macho Man" Randy Savage: A year ago, Macho Man finally accomplished his goal of becoming World Heavyweight Champion. If you were to ask him, he did it all by himself. However, it was Ben Unhinged who distracted Sheamus and allowed Savage to score the pinfall. This result would lead to an altercation that would Ben ensure that Macho Man lost the championship a mere month later. The two spent the early part of the year in pursuit of one another, with Savage scoring a big victory over the Absolute Madman in a falls-count-anywhere contest at the eleventh Fest. In the latter half of the year, Macho Man would go on a crusade to expose the revered Hogan as a liar, only to then retire the icon in the end. Now the Macho Man has refocused himself on once again becoming a champion, and the Laugh Like Pee-wee match could catapult him once more to the top of the mountain.

- Scott Steiner: When 2015 began, Scott Steiner's whereabouts were unknown. That was until he returned to Arrested Developmental with a lead pipe in hand, looking to settle an old score with Main Event Champion Batista. After battling his way through tough competition, Big Poppa Pump eventually earned himself a title match against the champion on the Diaz's Fuck Fest pre-show and was successful. Months later, Steiner would step up to provide true athletic competition for Brock Lesnar. Unfortunately, Lesnar would prove to be the superior natural athlete on that particular day. However, the opportunity wouldn't be entirely for naught as the exposure would land the Genetic Freak a spot on the main roster. Steiner inaugurated his call-up by demolishing a Shoney's where the Shithouses were dining. After the ghastly trio defeated Steiner's team at Dr. Meinheimer, the muscle-bound Michigander has said that he would like nothing more than to suplex those shitty bastards over the top rope in the Laugh Like Pee-wee match.

- British Bulldog: It's a Very SvR06 Christmas proved to be one of the most eventful holiday specials yet, and this man's announcement was one of the many reasons. The Bulldog requested interview time on Christmas Eve to shock everyone by announcing that he would be entering the 30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee. Considering he was the man to toss out Triple H in the 2015 edition of the match, Bulldog could very well win this thing whether he wants to or not.

- The Shithouses (Chewbacca, Josh the Cat, & Jushin Tiger): What a year it was for the Shithouses. They, uh. Oh wait, they...um. Well...they didn't really do much of anything, to be honest. In "Just" Christian's debut match, Chewie battled the Arrested Developmental alumni to a double countout. After Ric Flair became Christian's mentor, Josh the Cat tasted defeat primarily due to the Nature Boy's outside influence. By the time that Scott Steiner nearly reduced them to rubble, it's believed that many had completely forgotten that these three were even on the roster. But perhaps that incident awakened something in this less-than-successful tandem, as they earned their first victory as a unit since their formation. So what do these three have in store for the other 27 this January? Oh...apparently the Shithouses have decided to have a wager to see who can beat Kingpin's shortest time record of 19 seconds. Well I guess it's true what they say about not being able to win them all.

- The Undertaker: At last year's Laugh Like Pee-wee, The Undertaker's whereabouts were a mystery. That was until he resurfaced to challenge Chris Jericho and claim to being the new Phenom. The two waged a war throughout the majority of the year, including a grueling Hell in a Cell match at In My Ass. Their intense battles were brought to a conclusion by guest referee Kane Paul's overreaching involvement in their Last Man Standing match. Ultimately, Paul paid for his sins when the Deadman put him six feet under at Dr. Meinheimer. At the SvR06 Awards, Undertaker took the opportunity to announce his inclusion in the Laugh Like Pee-wee match. Considering that he's never held the World Heavyweight Championship in SvR06 before, the macabre mortician is certainly the odds-on favorite to outlast the other 29. Apparently those entering their Laugh Like Pee-wee office pools aren't the only ones aware of it either. The Kings of Crime, Ricardo Diaz and The Kingpin, have offered to pay a not-so modest sum to the Demon of Death Valley if he assists in expelling DEFAULT Wiley from the ring on January 24th. The offer was met with an icy glare of refusal that could only be translated as "WHHHYYY don't you go do it yourself." Taker clearly only has his mind on one thing entering this bout: victory.

- Sheik: As we now know, Sheik entered last year's Laugh Like Pee-wee match as a covert agent for Upper Management. It was a busy year for the two-faced Iranian, as he participated in a plot to dethrone and destroy his fellow Justice Bro Dynamite Derek. The events that transpired left Sheik scarred and deformed, giving him a new face to match his treacherous ways. What he didn't anticipate was that his Explosive Broseph would rise from his ashes stronger and more resolute than ever. Sheik now looks to move forward to the World Heavyweight Championship that escaped his clutches at Dr. Meinheimer, but has promised to eliminate Nateflix or Dynamite Derek if he encounters either of them in the 30-man match. This grudge could be considered a disability when entering a match with such high stakes, but Sheik has proven in the past that he can channel his anger into success in the ring.

- Carlito: A year ago at this time, Carlito was a Royal Pain and was the recipient of a guaranteed spot in the Laugh Like Pee-wee match. Since then, the cool Caribbean has parted ways with The Kingpin and turned over a new leaf on his apple tree. To give credence to his new direction, Carlito has his hopes set high on returning to the main event of the biggest event of the year by defeating 29 other hopefuls. Never shy about reminding his peers that he's the longest-reigning champion in SvR06 history, Carlito's determination may result in him breaking Big Show's record for longest appearance in a Laugh Like Pee-wee match. Winning the whole thing on top of it? Now that would be cool.

- Rey Mysterio: 2015 was a prosperous year for the biggest little man when he won the Cruiserweight Championship on the year's first edition of Arrested Developmental. Later on, he would team with Sin Cara to compete in a series of matches with The Uncivilization that would not only earn them the BFF Titles but the main event spot of Developmental Hell 17: The New Batch. His outstanding performances in developmental would land him back on the main roster, as he decisively defeated Psicosis in his first ever Cruiserweight Title Open Challenge. However, Mysterio would lose the championship when the challenge was answered by Paul London at Dr. Meinheimer. As London was set to defend the title against Arrested Developmental's own Illegal Alien at It's a Very SvR06 Christmas, the Intergalactic Luchador was ambushed and replaced by the 619 native. Mysterio would defeat London on the special to gain back the Cruiserweight Title. Champion once again, Mysterio justified his actions by claiming the fans want to see him as champion and not anyone else. As his delusions of grandeur would indicate, the champion feels no lack of confidence as it pertains to the size discrepancy between he and his competition in the Laugh Like Pee-wee match. But as evidenced by former winner DEFAULT, size is no excuse in this over-the-top-rope fray.

- Rob Van Dam: A perennial competitor in these kinds of matches, RVD looks to bring his unique brand of risk-taking to the 2016 Laugh Like Pee-wee. Van Dam has proven time and again that he's willing to do whatever it takes to win, including splashing Ricardo Diaz through a table from the top of a ladder at last year's Any Plans For Summer. It's this type of anything goes attitude that should make RVD a strong favorite for any betting man. When asked about this frame of mind when entering high-stakes matches, Van Dam told us that he was "THC." We assumed this was some sort of acronym relating to his fearlessness and will-power to obtain victory, but apparently he was referencing the fact that he was "Totally Holding Cannabis." Well considering his success leading up to this huge opportunity, there's clearly something to be said for the hash in his stash.

- "Just" Christian: This former Arrested Developmental competitors was one of the six hopefuls who competed for a spot in last year's Laugh Like Pee-wee match, but his own lack of confidence made him easy pickings for Scott Steiner. Upon being called up, "Just" Christian struggled to find his footing. However, upon finding himself under the wing of "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair, the lowly competitor has found himself on the victorious end of a streak of singles matches. Albeit all of these victories have come as a result of outside interference from Flair, unbeknownst to "Just" Christian. When Naitch offered his managerial services, his hopes were to take "Just" Christian and morph him into just Christian. Defeating 29 others and earning a shot at the vacant World Heavyweight Championship could be a catapult to getting him there. But without Flair's assistance, the Shithouses may have some competition for shortest appearance in the match.

- Scotty 2 Hotty: Last year, Arrested Developmental was represented by Scott Steiner in the 30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee. A year later, Steiner is a former Main Event Champion and has a secure position on the main roster. With that in mind, a lot of weight falls on the shoulders of Scotty 2 Hotty. The originator of the offensive maneuver known as The Worm, Scotty earned the opportunity to represent Arrested Developmental as one of the 30 when he defeated a Man in a Gorilla Suit. As we saw last year, a developmental talent entering a match this significant can only be a door to bigger and better things. Assuming Scotty wins, it could mean an instant call-up and the main event of Diaz's Fuck Fest XII with the World Title on the line. Not bad for a first timer.