In My Ass (2016)

In My Ass 2016 was the sixth edition of the annual In My Ass event, held on July 30, 2016. The show was highlighted by Dynamite Derek defending the World Heavyweight Championship against Triple H in a rematch with both of their careers on the line, Ben Unhinged, J-Pac, and Brock Lesnar competing in a Triple Threat match for a shot at the World Heavyweight Championship, and The Undertaker and Kane putting their World Tag Team Championship on the line against Ricardo Diaz and The Kingpin in a Hell in a Cell match.

Background
At Diaz's Fuck Fest XII, the culminating battle of a long and grueling journey concluded with Dynamite Derek becoming the undisputed World Heavyweight Champion by conquering his arch-nemesis Triple H. However, the final moments of that main event have since become the source of much controversy. On one side are those who believe that Dynamite Derek's rain of sledgehammer shots was a justifiable dose of Triple H's own medicine. On the other hand are those that believe the use of the weapon was uncalled for and the act of a desperate man. No doubt aware that the faith of his followers has been shaken, Triple H used this as opportunity to garner support for a return match for the title that he was unable to obtain at the biggest event of the year. Considering that Upper Management sympathizer William Regal is commandeering the chair of assistant commissioner for In My Ass, it didn't take much to get the match-up on paper. However, at the request of the challenger, this clash will not be like their last. For a rematch of this magnitude, the stakes have to be raised. With that in mind, Triple H promised that this will be the final meeting between the two great foes and implored William Regal to make this a Loser Leaves Town match. Reluctantly, his loyalty unwavering, Regal agreed. Triple H assured him and everyone else with any doubts that it will, in fact, be the last stand for Dynamite Derek and the dawn of their new idol. The stakes have been raised to an unseen level as the trek to this colossal rematch begins, and there's now more on the line than ever before. When the dust settles, there will once again be one true champion. Only now, one of these two titans will fall for the final time.

Needless to say, there has been much rejoicing among Dynamite Derek's inner circle ever since he won the World Heavyweight Championship. It goes without saying that no three individuals had to battle more adversity during Triple H's time in command than the reigning champion, J-Pac, and Ben Unhinged. Considering that history, Dynamite Derek made it abundantly clear that his two friends would be first in line for a title shot after he once again defeated Triple H. Ben Unhinged initially nominated himself for the first opportunity at the gold, pointing out that the last time he and J-Pac were on top it was he who left Diaz's Fuck Fest X with a world championship. J-Pac noted that the only reason he didn't leave a champion that night was due to a chance Money in the Bank cash-in. Ben acknowledged this, but also felt that it would be unfair to allow someone who took nearly a year off from their career to have the first crack at the gold. Before the squabble between friends became too personal, Commissioner Barkley intervened. He informed the two that he'd have no problem awarding either of them an opportunity at the World Title, but reminded them that under the circumstances they would have to earn those opportunities. The circumstances in question were those related to an individual who spent the past year going undefeated against numerous athletes from a wide array of combat sports. The man who is currently next in line for a World Heavyweight Championship match, Brock Lesnar. Ben Unhinged and J-Pac may be letting their emotions get the best of them, but if they want to conquer a conquerer, they'll have to be on the same page at In My Ass.

At Diaz's Fuck Fest XII, arguably the biggest World Tag Team Championship match in SvR06 history raged inside the enclosure of a steel cage. Two of the contest's competitors had saved their energy all year for this one night. However, while one sailed off the top of the cage in unsuccessful fashion, the other escaped the structure to assist his team in capturing the titles. Since that eventful evening, the most physically imposing tag team champions of all time have ruled the division with unrelenting dominance. Despite their defeat, the Kings of Crime have refused to concede their throne. The criminal masterminds have gone as far to accuse their rivals of cowardice, noting that they ran from them at the twelfth Fest rather than pinning of submitting them. The Undertaker credited them for their guts, but made no promises that Kane wouldn't spill them if they continued down this path. But The Kings continued to prod the reaper by proclaiming themselves the undefeated champions. As they didn't heed the warning of The Deadman, Undertaker offered them another opportunity against he and Kane. Only this time, they wouldn't show them the mercy that they did at the Fest. This match would once again call for a structure to assure that flight wouldn't be an option. But it would be decided by indisputable defeat. This final chapter will ultimately be decided inside Hell in a Cell. At Memorial Day Madness, Chris Jericho hosted a special edition of The Highlight Reel inside the cell itself and warned the inattentive Kings about what they were getting themselves into. Before the message could get through, the lights dimmed and returned to the sight of symbolic stereo chokeslams from the champions. If Ricardo Diaz and The Kingpin have yet to repent for their criminal sins, doing so before this match-up at In My Ass would be ideal. As we've seen in the past, there's no guarantee that anyone walks out of Hell in a Cell with The Undertaker on their own strength. Making matters worse is the x-factor and unpredictability of Kane. The Kings of Crime can stake claim to two lengthy championship runs as a unit, but this may be a business decision that even they can't afford to risk.

At last year's In My Ass, Batista exploded onto the scene like a firecracker on the Fourth of July. By winning the United States Title in decisive fashion, the animalistic champion established himself as a true force to be reckoned with. Throughout the course of his rookie year as a competitor on the SvR06 roster, Batista would find himself in the ever-fruitful position of being Triple H's golden boy. In the process, however, Sheamus was inevitably pushed aside like an old toy and was no longer considered an asset to Upper Management. In the months that followed, both paths crossed numerous times. Unfortunately for the fiery Irishman, Batista has been an unbeatable foe in singles competition in the time since he turned over a new cloverleaf. Matters were only made worse whenever Sheamus failed to capture the Money in the Bank briefcase, despite being the odds on favorite to win it. Batista, on the other hand, has boasted a victory over the returning Ultimate Warrior on the biggest night of the year. With this victory, Batista declared that he was greater than Ultimate and certainly greater than the Celtic Warrior. He would, from that point on, dub himself the Apex Warrior. But Sheamus refused to be dismissed, demanding one more championship match to prove to himself that he can stand on the same level as Batista. The United States Champion informed his challenger that he can change his attitude and he can change his hair, but he can't change the fact that he will never be able to defeat him when it matters. Batista proclaimed himself the last man standing among Triple H's chosen few, and to keep it that way, informed Sheamus that he would only put the title on the line as long as the challenger agreed to never compete for the title again while it was around his waist. Assistant Commissioner Regal stepped in between these two former allies of his to make a match that would ensure the end of this intense rivalry. At In My Ass, Sheamus will receive his final opportunity against Batista for the United States Championship in a conclusive Last Man Standing match. After receiving this news, Batista used a title defense against Big Show at Memorial Day Madness as an example for what Sheamus had in his future when he powerbombed his 500-pound opponent through a table while the referee counted him out. If Sheamus has any hope of bringing this bitter war to an end in his favor, he'll have to have more than luck on his side.

In the zaniest contest from this year's Fest, JBL officially reclaimed his identity by lastly defeating the oppressive Reverend Drew in a Sinister Six-way to become Intercontinental Champion. Since this eventful night, the irreverent reverend has been staking his claim for a rematch. At the same time, another competitor has been throwing his name into the hat after an unsuccessful launch party. That individual, of course, is JBL's former business partner Chance. Reverend Drew rejected this idea, claiming that Chance was beaten fair and square and that he only lost the title due to outside distraction. As the debate over who was entitled to another shot at the gold intensified, guest assistant commissioner William Regal stepped in and declared that the three would compete in a Triple Threat match. However, Reverend Drew was still dissatisfied and claimed that it clearly states in the Doctrine of Drewdaism that it's a blasphemy for a member of the church to compete in a championship rematch against more than one opponent. As Regal was beginning to cave to the reverend's demands, Commissioner Barkley stepped in. Barkley said that he was fed up with catering to Drew's farces but he would give him a chance to turn things around for himself. At Road to In My Ass, the day before the event, Reverend Drew will receive his rematch against JBL and the winner will face Chance the next night with the title on the line. However, if Drew doesn't win, his contract with SvR06 will be terminated immediately. Chance will have a second chance to make a first impression at In My Ass, but will it be against his former spiritual leader or his former capitalistic confidant?

For the past year, Mark Jindrak has continued to make his mark on SvR06 by creating a memorable moment every time he steps into the ring. His unquenchable obsession with etching his image in history eventually led him to the top of a ladder where he seized the Money in the Bank briefcase. While his victory caught the attention of many that night, one of the biggest impressions he made was on Ric Flair. Seeing a younger version of himself within Jindrak, Flair took the opportunity to recruit the Money in the Bank holder into his camp with a complimentary solid gold Rolex. The Nature Boy's tutelage came along with an idea for the biggest Mark-Out Moment on Jindrak's career: to carry his World Championship contract all the way to the main event of Diaz's Fuck Fest XIII and leave with the title fastened securely around his waist. Flair would continue to boast that his new client is already a superior champion when held up to every former holder of the title. This didn't sit well with former champion Rob Van Dam, who already wasn't thrilled by Jindrak's cheap-shotting once again costing him the chance to win the Money in the Bank contract. Jindrak was initially dismissive, but Flair assured RVD that his client would smoke the high-flyer if the two were to step into the ring. Jindrak may be looking down the road to when he can get a championship belt to match his new watch, but before that he will have to go to In My Ass and put his money where his mouth is by proving his worth against a decorated champion by the name of Rob Van Dam.

Once again, Rey Mysterio managed to escape almost certain defeat when Tajiri answered the call of the Cruiserweight Championship Open Challenge on the Diaz's Fuck Fest pre-show. His only saving grace was receiving a blinding green mist from his opponent that led him to a disqualification retention after a case of mistaken identity with the referee. At Monday's Memorial Day Madness, Mysterio will once again put the title on the line against Tajiri, and this time he's prepared to give his alleged adoring fans their money's worth while silencing the Rey-cists that try to keep him from being their champion. To do so, Rey has invested in a special pair of "mist proof" color contacts to protect him from any projectile liquid that Tajiri may spew in his direction. At In My Ass, Mysterio is scheduled to hold yet another open challenge against a mystery opponent. However, his match at Memorial Day Madness could make all the difference. We could see Tajiri's very first open challenge of his own, an event that Mysterio claims nobody wants to see.

Count Out has been modeling his life after his Ayatollah, Chris Jericho, for a number of months. However, after losing the match for his team against two basketball legends and J-Pac, Y2J has disowned his faithful follower. Jericho stated that the count wanted to be him so badly, but he could never change the fact that will forever be the stupidest idiot of them all. In the weeks that followed, Count Out would respond by continuing to mimic and adopt signature mannerisms and maneuvers of Chris Jericho. This would infuriate his former mentor to the point of threatening Count Out with a cease and desist letter from his attorney. Jericho informed his former pupil that they could settle their matter out of court and in the ring if they did so on his terms. Y2J noted that since Count Out wanted to be a better Chris Jericho than Chris Jericho, he was going to be the best Count Out in the world when they compete in SvR06's first-ever Countout match. In this match, there will be no pinfall or submission. The only way to win is to keep your opponent on the outside of the ring for the count of ten. At In My Ass, Count Out will have the opportunity to prove if Chris Jericho's tutelage has done him any good. It's master pitted against apprentice, and Count Out's history of being on the outside of the ring when the ref counts ten already puts him at a disadvantage.

After weeks of promotional material, Muhammad Hassan officially planted his flag in the SvR06 roster at Memorial Day Madness. Promoting his message of combating division within the United States of America, many initially perceived Hassan to be a positive influence and a figurehead for unity. Later in the event, during the Cruiserweight Championship rematch between Rey Mysterio and Tajiri, Hassan interjected himself by disarming the champion of the steel chair he was wielding. However, it was at that moment that he took the opportunity to strike Tajiri with it and assist Mysterio in the victory. Since then, "America's Savior" has elaborated on his actions by claiming that the reason the United States is so divided is due to the overabundance of non-indigenous individuals coming to his homeland and taking opportunities away from those who deserve them. To drive this point home, Hassan targeted Japanese native Tajiri to illustrate his agenda. What he may have neglected to acknowledge was that the Japanese Buzzsaw is in an elite group of Triple Crown Champions and is a formidable opponent that always gets even with those who've wronged him. Muhammad Hassan may have gotten the upper hand at Memorial Day Madness, but at In My Ass, he'll have to prove who is truly America's finest.

Results
The fallout from the Fest left much intrigue regarding the landscape of SvR06 moving forward. With a new World Heavyweight Champion officially crowned, and many familiar faces moving on to other endeavors, the dynamics of the locker room have been indelibly changed forever. While Diaz’s Fuck Fest XII closed the book on one chapter of the story, In My Ass turned the page to the next.

Commencing this dawning of a new age was a man that Ric Flair has been promoting as the future of the wrestling industry. The Money in the Bank contract holder, Mark Jindrak. Since their business relationship began, the Nature Boy has proclaimed that Jindrak is already a superior heavyweight champion to all former titleholders even though he has yet to even win the belt. To help prove this point, the Mark-Out Moment Maker went toe-to-toe with the educated feet of Rob Van Dam. While RVD was a fighting champion during his time on top of SvR06, nothing gold can stay. The unquestionable display of aerial athleticism was thwarted by the grounding offense of Jindrak. Eventually, Van Dam was defeated by the man with the golden opportunity in his hand. The question is, who will be World Heavyweight Champion whenever Jindrak makes his biggest Mark-Out Moment in the main event of Diaz’s Fuck Fest XIII?

After more than a year of loyalty and devotion, Count Out was betrayed by his mentor Chris Jericho. Looking to put his imitator in his place once and for all, Y2J faced off against the former Jericholic in a score-settling Countout match. Despite his early unsuccessful attempts to “Come on, baybay” his way to victory, Jericho viciously dominated the majority of the match. The tides didn’t truly turn until the masked men previously seen at Memorial Day Madness stormed the ring, sending Jericho fleeing. Y2J was subsequently counted out, awarding a bloodied Count Out the victory. However, the celebration was cut short by this masked mob battering the count and shaving his bleach blonde mullet in the middle of the ring.

America’s self-appointed hope for the future, Muhammad Hassan, made a powerful statement at Memorial Day Madness by costing the Japanese native Tajiri his Cruiserweight Championship rematch against Rey Mysterio. To vanquish his foreign foe once and for all, Hassan stepped into the ring with Tajiri for his first official match since arriving in SvR06. Although initially competitive, the freedom-loving patriot forced the will out of Tajiri with the devastating Border Lock. The sadistic display concluded as it began, with Muhammad Hassan saluting Old Glory.

The following match was determined to answer one question once and for all: who’s better? Both Sheamus and Batista received the Triple H stamp of approval during the regime of Upper Management. While Batista has spent his stint as a virtually undefeated champion since arrival, Sheamus hasn’t quite had the same success. That being said, the unyielding Irishman was the man responsible for officially destroying Upper Management at Batista’s expense. After everything, it finally came down to these two warriors fighting it out in a Last Man Standing match with the United States Title on the line. The two threw everything they had in their arsenal at each other, from Batista spearing Sheamus from the guardrail to Sheamus planting his opponent with a High Cross only for Batista to make it to his feet at the count of nine. As the two struggled to stand, Batista seized the steel steps to finish off his bitter rival for good. Sheamus, on the other hand, took Batista’s United States Championship in hand to the uncontrollable fury of The Animal. The two gladiators jousted and, in a moment of bitter irony for Batista, the championship belt collided with the steps and knocked the weapon into his own cranium to bring his destructive reign to an end.

In their first encounter, Ricardo Diaz fled from The Undertaker and Kane. When a steel cage was implemented, the tables were turned whenever the demonic duo exited the structure to win the tag team titles from the Kings of Crime. To ensure that nobody would be able to turn their back on a fight, the titles were once again placed up for grabs inside the demonic Hell in a Cell. In what can only be described as a massacre, the World Tag Team Champions tossed Diaz and Kingpin from one end of the cell to the other. Once again, Fisk had an opportunity to take a chance against his better judgment and perform a Six-Star King Splash from the top of the cell. This attempt was much like his reckless dive from the top of a cage, only more painful. With The Kingpin out of commission, Kane finished off Ricardo Diaz to retain the gold for himself and The Undertaker.

In what was arguably his most competitive match since becoming champion, Rey Mysterio’s Cruiserweight Championship Open Challenge was answered by Ultimo Dragon. The two put everything on the line, yet Mysterio was visibly disgruntled by Dragon getting a reaction that drowned out even his own canned cheers. Mysterio made early attempts to settle for a countout retention, but the challenger would have none of it. As expected, the champion would eventually resort to underhanded tactics by taking advantage of an incapacitated referee and later using the official as a human shield in order to drop the dime on Ultimo Dragon and pick up the victory.

The night before this Triple Threat match for a World Heavyweight Title opportunity, Ben Unhinged found his friend J-Pac face down in the arena parking lot. For the moment, Ben put the competitive quarrel between he and J-Pac aside and called out the most obvious suspect: Brock Lesnar. Lesnar met the unhinged Ben in the ring, but countered his charging into a thunderous F5. After this apparent display of dominance against both of his opponents, Brock was congratulated by his new manager. The man who brought him into SvR06, Walter P. Wiley. When it came time for these three top names to meet in the ring, J-Pac and Ben Unhinged quickly disposed of Lesnar. This was just as well, as Walter would instruct his client to perform ten Brock-hops onto the apron before continuing. In the meantime, the two friends battled it out in the ring for the chance to fight for the ultimate prize. Once Lesnar was ready, he stepped back into the ring to pick the bones of the two exhausted combatants. Confronted by Ben Unhinged, Lesnar referred to him as a tough piece of ass before suplexing him out of the ring. With an unsightly F5, Brock covered J-Pac to earn himself a championship match. Lesnar informed Walter post match that he really pushed his opponent’s shit in, leading everyone to speculate if Wiley’s influence has had an adverse effect of Brock’s trash-talking.

The night prior, Reverend Drew was sent packing after being defeated by JBL in an Intercontinental Title bout. Per that result, we were all subject to the match that everyone hoped would never come to fruition. A battle between a man who would have once done anything for a young heir who looked to his business associate as a father figure. Only now, that young heir has taken on a frivolous lifestyle of excess and the next golden ornament in his sights is the Intercontinental Championship. As his endeavors at the Fest were unsuccessful, Chance bought an insurance policy in the form of his own personal bouncer, Chris Masters. While this back-and-forth match-up was certainly an early contender for match of the year, it was the presence of Chance’s ruthless bouncer that truly made all the difference. Adding insult to injury, the beginning of the end for JBL’s reign as champion was put into motion by what could only be described as a Clothesline from Heck by Chance. JBL had always dreamed of great things for Chance, but it’s doubtful that he ever envisioned the biggest win of his young protégé’s playing out quite like this.

As the sun set, the two most bitter rivals in the history of SvR06 rose up to do battle for one final time. By the end of the night, one of these men would be able to stand tall as World Heavyweight Champion while the other would be forced to leave their legacy in this company behind and walk away forever. After months of having his character questioned, as well as being stripped of his signature DKO, Dynamite Derek was more than ready to bring an end to his war with Triple H regardless of the result. This unprecedented rematch saw the best of both men, as The Dark Luminary continuously dove through the air to unsuccessful results. Just to add insult to injury, Triple H performed the banned DKO on Dynamite but was startled when this didn’t keep his enemy down. Dynamite Derek returned the favor by hitting Triple H with an explosive Pedigree for good measure. After enduring endless assault from one another, both men’s signature black garb was stained by crimson. At this point, Triple H called back to the conclusion of their Fest encounter and grabbed for his signature sledgehammer. Once again, it was intercepted by the reigning champion. Only this time, Dynamite thought twice. Reflecting on the perception his actions had created among members of his following, the champion refused to stoop to the level of the Cerebral Assassin. Instead of killing his good reputation by once again using the vile weapon of his enemy, he restored what faith had been lost in him by tossing it aside and hitting back at Triple H with an unrelenting flurry of offense. After numerous unsuccessful attempts throughout the match, Dynamite Derek once again took to the skies and this time connected to finish off the tyrannical specter that has haunted his career for far too long. Despite his bruised and battered body, Dynamite Derek left as the victor with a luminous future ahead of him. As for Triple H, he walked out of an SvR06 arena for the final time. Banished, broken, and unable to ever dominate the company with a death grip ever again.